Oh, to be thin! To see my hips! To be size 8!
Really? Is that really what I want?
It’s not, you know. And it hasn’t been what I wanted for quite a while now.
I want to be healthy and strong. That’s what makes me happy. Being skinny … I don’t even find that attractive in other people so why would I want it for myself?
I can remember weighing nearly 16 stones (224lbs). My back hurt. I didn’t sleep well. I couldn’t manage basic tasks without pain and breathlessness. Today I weigh about 13 stones (182lbs). My back doesn’t hurt. I sleep well. I can manage basic tasks without discomfort (save for the Ankle of Doom which is improving). At 5’1″, I’m still obese and, therefore, unhealthy. And I still have my belly which I don’t much like.
I used to want to be thin. Skinny. Slender. I was aiming for 7.5 stones (105lbs). That’s what I weighed when I was a student. And then I was looking to shed another 7lbs. It wasn’t realistic then and it certainly isn’t so now. I was a wraith. I felt like the wind could blow me over. And I don’t want to feel like that again.
Instead, I want to be healthy and strong. The strong bit is important. Being strong means I can work a full day on the plot. Being strong means I can lift bags of compost. Being strong means I can do the things I want to do. And being healthy is kind of an added bonus – it’s something I’ve not had for a very long time.
So skinny is out. Healthy and strong is in.